Sing me then

Lend me your eyes tonight...

Maybe, for an unpleasant change
I could look at me, unsuspecting,
And in your all-encompassing glance
See the termites at work,
The rotting facade...
See through all the cardboard walls,
The blank canvasses...

Maybe, for an unpleasant change
I would look through and beyond
At things that transcend an 'I'
At the onyx star-lit sky
At the reasons why winds sigh
At the carefully fabricated lie
At the distance between you and I.

And in that omniscient moment
Perchance -
I'd transform my doleful lament
Into a beauteous song;
I'd harmonize with the universe
And dissolve to become music.

Sing me then, on starry nights...
I'd live on, forever,
On the resilient strings of your guitar
On the resounding baritone of your voice
On the sighing arms of west wind.

Lend me your eyes tonight...

Feb 19th, 2009.

A Long Walk

I could walk on water
If the lake, in reverence
Would freeze where I stepped,
A tiptoe, feathertouch, ethereal.

The winds, however, I know
Are irreverent...
They pass through me
Stealing wisps, of misty nothingness.

Yesterday, in the ashes,
I caught few embers - amber
They glistened blue, slithering
Down, through my singed palm.

In the elements, today, I have failed
To find proximity, companionship.
The moss on rocks dries up,
And sea-gulls fly away where I walk.

Perhaps my soul, like me, is destined,
To walk the byways and alleys,
Looking askance, shielding eyes,
From sweaty auburn sunsets.

Feb 15th, 2009.

Unlived

Apportionating, to a farthing -
The blame, mon cher;
Will not, cannot
Buy back -
Me, my baby pink hopes;
You, promises you couldn't keep.

There are now, scatterred -
Some charred photographs, untaken.
Also - hither, tither;
Cuddly late night secrets, unshared.

Anew, each -
To another,
Unpredictable 'We'
A floral vase awaits
To be fashioned, thrown -
Obtusely, by trembling hands.

Feb 15th, 2009.

What shall I name thee, little one?

[I wish I could cry like I did once
When mom lost a promised pencil
On her way to school to take us.
For days, I couldn't be happy enough
I couldn't get rid of that weight
Squeezing like a tube - my belly.]

I have a small lump
The forbidden apple stuck
Somewhere, here.
A little tugging
Of a corner of my heart
There, where she hides -
My kindergarten spirit
Sad, having lost -
A favorite toy.

We missed seeing the Bronx Zoo,
But at over a score,
I think I'm grown up enough...
Huh! (and she smiles weariedly)
I know I'm grown up enough...
Inside, to be able to read
The blankness of the canvas -
Of little joys and losses
That mattered too much.

And this loss is greater
To my dying soul
The loss of losing a loss
A cherished loss.

Today's blue sunset
I dedicate
To the dreamy little girl
With a fountain in a love-in-tokyo
An altered royal blue frock
And a sea of hopes.


Feb 15th, 2009.

Questions?

Seven seas? An ocean?
Twelve thousand miles?
How far am I now?

Where from though?
From where 'I' began?
Or the ephemeral 'we'?

Do you falter mid-thought a-times?
Do you too hear it in the air?
Loss, misery, memory?

So many speckled questions?
A basket of tropical fruit in sand?
Drops of rain in dry desert-storms?

And the answers unreachable?
To me of course, but to you too?
Aren't they facets, of one glittering diamond?

Do you know why it glitters so loud?
Why it bluntly blinds the mind's eye?
Should I say the secret out loud tonight?

Answer?
Alone....
Utterly alone.
The answer too, stands alone.


Black bitterness?
Did it have to color memories of you?
Could 'we' not have been dear departed?

Like begets like?
So shall I reap?
What verse shall I sing?

In this random blabbering,
Could I but pluck a memory,
Plum, ripe and fragrant...
And freeze it into an icicle,
To safe-guard in my heart.

Could I but (somehow.... anyhow)
Like glazed cranberries,
Preserve a memory, pure, of 'us'.

Could my verses begin to rhyme again?
Or I cease to write?
So that forever 'we' could be...
Immortalized in eternal time
Orchestrated in flawless rhyme.

Could I but stop finding all over,
Another question to question my questions.
Could I but find an answer once,
To answer the helplessness of my answers.
I would sieve my soul through pearly filter-paper
And leave my bitterness like dregs in a pot.


Feb 11th, '09.

To the Ones Who Know :)

Blue, yellow, purple,
Aqua, bronze, cranberry.
Endless lights, peeping, from behind
Floating wisps of frosty snow clouds
Welcome me, to this land of plenty.

In seven inches of foamy snow,
In two-block long shopping malls,
In abundant garbaging of foods,
I found -
Things I didnt know...

Luscious strawberries, a whole pound.
I never knew bananas could grow
Over one foot long.

That on a white cotton shirt
("Anne Klein", oh my!)
I would ever spend
God-forsaken Rs. 6000.

Warm water, two feet deep.
I never knew how weightless
Being weightless would feel.

That a valentine red coat
("Nine West", oh my!)
Would innocently support
A "MADE IN CHINA" tag.

Human sea, endless; fathomless.
I never knew how different
A sea could be from another.

That the moon, oval and gold
("Universal", oh yeah!)
Would look quite the same
From 11th floor of Club Quarters.

In this land of plenty,
I found too,
Things I knew...
Things I'd always known...
Things I'd always know...

Blocks of concrete,
Mounds of chocolate,
Aisles of jewelry,
Long racks of clothes...
Please my wondering eyes,
Coz in my tiny heart I fold,
Some memories to be shared...
In the eye of my camera, catch
Some photos to be mounted...
In every passing moment, breathe
The prayers of some people...

My dear family, "I love you".

Feb 9th, 2009.


Dedicated to my parents, siblings and dear bhanja.